Insecurities (One Year)

It is amazing how our insecurities can make us feel so small and useless. They only need the slightest basis of truth, the smallest spark to be ignited. It feels like lately my life has been filled with sparks.

I try to look at the bright side, to say that this is merely a case of God's divine humiliation. Maybe I had a big head, or maybe I just needed to be humbled in order to understand people around me. I do believe that God has a purpose behind this position He has placed me in, directly on the bottom of the totem pole.

It's just that in everything I am going through right now, whether it be mundane or amazing, I am constantly being faced with these insecurities, whose existences were merely speculations a year ago.

It's hard to believe it's been over a year since I made that 8 hour drive up to Dallas, determined not to get stuck back in South Texas and my comfort zone. I asked for this, you know... the discomfort, the growth, the trial by fire. I asked for all of it, and I can't forget that.

Still, that is beside the point. The point is that these insecurities can shape our actions, and if we aren't careful, they can shape us. We need to get rid of them, to be secure in something. We can take our own steps and measures to deal with our junk from the past, and I commend anyone who does so, but ultimate security lies in Christ. These insecurities, just like every other messed up thing in our lives, are meant to draw us closer to Christ. They are a reminder of our reliance on, and need for, something bigger than ourselves.

See, I know all of this, but I still occasionally let these insecurities determine my actions.

"I want to do what is good, but I don’t.
I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway."
-Paul (Romans 7:19)