We are kept alive by the pursuit of adventure.
I struggle with the balance between adventure and responsibility. I worry constantly, that I am either being too responsible and not taking the risks I should, or that I am being too adventurous and putting myself in unnecessary situations. I remember moving out here to Arizona, I had a constant conflict for the first few months, about whether I was being responsible coming all the way out here for only an internship. I remember feeling so alone those first few weeks, and wishing I'd stayed in Dallas with an apartment full of friends. Yet, when I was in Texas, I longed for the day when I'd be doing something great in some strange place.
Now I am on a bigger adventure, about to start my life with the woman I was made for. I wonder how we will find the balance between the magic and mundane. I wonder how I will fare as a leader, being so prone to moving and leaving, so used to a life in flux. I wonder how I will provide stability for my family, when all I've known is seismic shifts and periodic eruptions. The desire of my heart is to be a responsible, dependable husband and father, but I worry that I will forget what adventure means, and what a daring life feels like.
There is worry in adventure, and that leads me to believe that perhaps this will be the biggest adventure of all.
"How do I get rid of the fear?"
19 hours ago