Love (In The Pit Of My Stomach)

So, if you are late to the party, I will tell you the awesome news one more time... I'm engaged! (never gets old)

Now, my fiance is from here in Arizona, but I am looking anywhere and everywhere for a worship leading position, either full-time or substantial part-time staff, because this is the thing that God has made me good at, the thing that brings me the most joy, and it would be dumb for me to not at least pursue this as a career. She is completely behind me, and wants me to look everywhere for a position and go wherever that takes me, even though it means we may be apart for five months (from the time my residency at Central ends, until we get married and she follows me out).

This has seemed like a good plan... unenviable, since I knew I'd miss her, but still not too bad. I mean, it's only five months, right?

But love doesn't work like that, apparently. I was looking at someone's 21st birthday pictures up on Facebook, and I realized that I would be missing Kristen's 21st birthday. That made me very, unbearably sad. My stomach started getting tied up in knots, and I came to my blog because I needed to do something to get it out. I love that girl, and I don't want to be apart from her for five months. I get sad when I don't get to see her for a day.

And suddenly I understand a lot more about romantic love, about the longing to be with the person you love. I understand what it means when being apart isn't an easy "option" but a depressing prospect. I feel like I'll be leaving part of myself back here in Arizona if and when I leave. I mean, it is what's best for our future and all that jazz, but those words seem a lot less meaningful when coupled with the word "apart".

It's a privilege to love someone this way, and I know that, but that doesn't make the idea of being apart any less painful. I can't wait until I get to spend the rest of my life with her. I suppose that is a good thing, that I feel the longing of this love in the pit of my stomach.

1 comment:

leanna marie jackson said...

i hope things work out beautifully...