"God Told Me You're The One"... A Tribute.

I couldn't properly provide social commentary on the Holy Spirit of Chuck Woolery without first telling you about my friend Steve. Aside from being my first mentor, my best friend for years, and the one who got me truly started in music ministry, he was also among the most eligible bachelors among the Christian guys in my college town.

I'd probably be about 500 spots behind him, just ahead of the guy who tried to convert people in chat rooms and the guy who still had head lice.

He introduced me to the world of Christian dating, or "courting", and the social phenomenon of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", and the idea of "reaching out" (trying too hard to get a girl to like you). It is in being friends with Steve, at a pentecostal church, that I was exposed to the penultimate romantic line in Christian culture...

"God told me that you are 'the One'."

Steve had at least 5 women tell him that. Every year. Now, you've got to realize that this line is usually used by someone who is reaching well beyond their expected limits as far as dating goes. The women who would say this to Steve were usually quite... um... unattractive and/or abrasive to him. He had his perfect girl in his head (by the way, I think he's still single :-P), a blond haired, blue eyed, piano playing virgin worship leader who would come wherever He went and lead worship before he spoke.

By the way, at this time I was the one leading worship before he spoke. I suppose he imagined me as a white female on more than one occasion, then opened his eyes and saw large mexican man, and cried a little on the inside. But he was in South Texas, and he himself was a hispanic (although he was the only red headed hispanic I ever met) along with 70 percent of the population.

So these other girls never stood a chance, being compared to the perfect woman in his head. The relationships he did get into were always painful, because eventually he would conclude that they were not up to his standards, and he shouldn't "settle". The women would be absolutely crushed by this, understandably, because it was a long, slow process.

I think the reason so many Christians are perpetually single is because this idea of "The One" has become socially acceptable, and even intertwined with our faith. I once had a list, of all of the traits I wanted the woman I ended up with to have. I was going to "court" her, never take her on dates by ourselves, and never kiss her until we got engaged or married or something arbitrary like that. It is only once I began to talk to married couples that I realized how dumb all of that was. You sacrifice getting to know someone as more than a friend, learning about quirks and imperfections that will either endear them to you or completely gross you out, when you don't hang out exclusively. When you completely neglect the physical aspect of the relationship, someone will feel unwanted and distant, if not both of you (of course, boundaries are of the utmost importance). The ideas that seemed great in theory back then, just don't make sense when you really think about them.

But there will always be those who want to take it one step further, those who will kiss dating goodbye and keep looking for "The One"... until they find "The One" and get in a relationship, and are hurt when they realize that either they weren't "The One", or God changed His mind. I even have friends who are still convinced that their ex is "The One", leading to some really creepy behavior.

I was going to post humorously about this subject, but in all seriousness, don't let legalism and the arbitrary keep you from seeing someone pretty amazing right under your nose. Glorify God in your relationships, treating each other in a way that would please Him. Or else you might find yourself living at home at 40, single and still waiting for "the One".

And whatever you do, don't invoke God into your crushes, lest you hear something along these lines:

The God who told you I'm the one apparently has communication issues, because I got no such message.

That would be incredibly awkward.


Meagan said...

excellent thoughts, my friend. I was actually just having lunch with my accountability partner and we talked about this exact same topic. Sometimes you go from having no standards and dating any joe-shmo(no pun intended) that pays attention to you to setting your standards way too high according to your wants rather than God's standards. Not to say having standards is a bad thing but I do think God wouldn't want you to "settle" for anything less than what He wants for you. I have a feeling we could have a pretty interest discussion on this topic. I might have to take you up on that one day. :)

Ryan B said...

Hey, I hopped over here from The Church of No People. This is an excellent post. Very very funny.

I've had some older friends that won't date or anything and never had. They are getting to the point where their friends are getting married and they have never been kissed. Let's just say I here a lot of complaining.

Some of us have decided that it is because some people put dating on a pedestal. They think that one day, their knight in shining armor who was ordained by God will come down and sweep them off their feet. Love at first sight, marriage 6 months later. I blame the Disney movies.

And by the way, California is the best.

commoncents said...

Great post!

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