Mormon Steak = Disappointment

STEAK

I never really had anything against mormons. I mean, of course I think they aren't right, that they need a God who will give them His love and not just some random planet. In fact, I always heard them talking about steak, so I figured if I ever had to hang out with one of them, we'd just have some delicious steak and maybe I'd lead them to a relationship with the real Jesus.

That is no longer the case. For you see, I have been decieved by the LDS church. They have claimed steak, and given us this!!!

MORMON STAKE

Notice the complete lack of meaty goodness? I learned, while here in Mesa, which has a huge mormon population, that a mormon "steak" is actually just a building. What's even worse is, they don't even drink COFFEE?!?!?! I don't know how they grow so fast... an anti-coffee, anti-meatygoodness marketing strategy is a poor marketing strategy.

I am so very sad. I certainly don't mean to be offensive to anyone at all, but I expected to soon encounter a mormon steakhouse with steaks good enough to make a weaker man change his religion; you know, after everyone was sure I was strong enough to handle it. Now I am disappointed, and I have only one thing to say.

STEAK (meaty goodness) > STAKE (no meaty goodness)

Dear Mormons,
This is all in good fun, I still would love to talk to you about Jesus and how you can change the world and live in freedom and gain unfettered salvation from this sinful world :). Please don't be offended, you can make fun of me if you want!
-Richard