Blessings and Curses

From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

-James 3:10

Words are powerful. With simple words, I have been taken to the brink of destruction, and I have seen the edge of my sanity. With a few precious words, I've been brought back from the brink and picked up from the ground. I have seen and known the power of words.

I can't trust myself. My own words are often so reckless. I find myself controlled by forces within me that mean nothing but harm, forces that see pain as a means to an end. It is a constant bubbling spring within me. I want it gone.

There is no point to causing pain with our words. There is no benefit from the pain of others. My spirit wants to do good. Christ in me wants to be love, and wants love to be my defining characteristic. This cannot happen with the internal treachery brought about by my lack of self-control.

All of this to say, I need to have better control of my words.

It's Not About Me

I have been struggling to get my mind around this concept. I find myself unsatisfied with life events and areas of struggle. My selfish theology wants to question God, to ask why this or that couldn't just be a little different, a little (or a lot) better.

But as it turns out, He is already making all things work together for our good. Our good is not necessarily a painless existence. Sometimes there is growth or empathy, or merely experience, that we will require in order to live out our purpose.

The fact is, we do not live for our enjoyment, but rather for His glory. Only when we realize this truth, will we experience true fulfillment and joy.

This all seems basic, but for some reason it just gets more and more profound. And harder to just "do".

Harmony and Worship

What if there was no jealousy? What if our humility allowed us to look out for others before ourselves? What if our love for our families were strong enough to make even the very thought of impropriety abhorrent? What if we spoke in love and acted in grace and worshiped in unity?

God tells us that this is not only possible, but necessary to truly worship God as a community. Invariably, every church falls short in this matter. What if we weren't satisfied with that?

What if our passion for God were greater than our desire for acceptance, or attention, or status? What if our spirits were satisfied with nothing less than God's vision for the church?

My spirit is discontent. I know I've fallen short in this. I feel like we are missing out. I feel like there can be so much more to our worship, and so much more beauty in our fellowship. If you feel like me, let's be radically peaceful this Sunday, and resolve to act in love and reconciliation.

It would make Mama proud :-). At least, I know my mom would be proud.

Freedom is Foolishness

In freedom, you don't know what you need to do to feel good. You don't know who to impress in order to get what you want. Freedom is foolishness.

In freedom, you aren't kept in one place. You are liable to be in different places each day, experiencing new and dangerous things. They call it adventure, but you know better. Freedom is foolishness.

In freedom, you trade what you've always known for the promise of something better. When is the last time you ate or slept in a promise? Freedom is foolishness.

Our hearts know this isn't true. Our spirits long for freedom. It is merely our survival instinct that makes us afraid of the unknowns of freedom. This is no small thing.

This is the reason the Bible tells us to die to ourselves. We need to give ourselves up to the unknowns of freedom, trusting the one thing we do know... a God who uses the foolish to confound the wise.

Difficulty and Distance

The hardest part of love is selflessness. It is in our nature to expect reciprocation and response. That is not love. That is a transaction.

It doesn’t mean that this reality doesn’t tear at our hearts. When we love someone, and they do not act toward us in a loving way (especially when we ourselves have expended effort of mind, body, and/or spirit), we are hurt. We do not have the capacity to be impervious to each other… even the callous are simply in a perpetual deadened state, trading in the sharp pains of imperfect love for the dull ache of ignored longings.

So why do we hurt so much when we attempt to love? Why is love, by nature, a selfless act… when selflessness is so very difficult?

Real love is impossible without trust in God. Perfect love casts away fear, because the beloved does not worry that their actions will cause the lover to stop loving. Perfect love is based on the Eternal, trusting God to be all-sufficient, and needing nothing from the beloved. This allows every moment of love to be perceived as a beautiful gift, rather than a rightful obligation.

This is the love we should strive to have for each other. However, it is easy to say and incredibly hard to accomplish, because our hearts are not yet fully alive. The closer we are to the Savior, the more in step we are with the Spirit, and the closer we will be to this beautiful love. Our difficulty lies in our distance from God.

Two Voices

Verse 1:

Wandering through the darkness

My eyes are still used to the light

Disoriented and discontent

I wish I had an escape somewhere in sight

 

I hear two voices, they’re ringing out

They’re saying two different things

One says I’m dead, one I’m justified

But both still say “follow me”

 

Chorus:

They’re ringing

Through the night, through the sky

O they’re ringing

And it’s all I hear

 

I need a transformation

A renewing of my mind

So I can know

which voice is Yours

 

Verse 2:

One says I should have known otherwise

There’s no escape from darkness or pain

So come and live for the short release

It carries you till you hurt again

 

The other tells me there’s something more

And speaks of a light that I cannot see

But even if a brighter place could be found

What would I do with all the darkness in me?

 

Chorus:

They’re ringing

Through the night, through the sky

O they’re ringing

And it’s all I hear

 

I need a transformation

A renewing of my mind

So I can know

which voice is Yours

 

Bridge:

My heart it aches to believe the light

And leave this heavy darkness behind

With a love louder than my enemies

And a grace that I’ve been longing to find

 

Ending Chorus:

I need a transformation

A renewing of my mind

So I can follow

Your sweet voice

 

- Richard Benavides

New Endeavors

There is excitement and anxiety in building something new for God. The human psyche has a torrid, hot/cold love affair with the new and the unprecedented, and the mixture of anticipation and trepidation is enough to keep us up at night. We dream of the day when we will regale a new generation of young trailblazers with stories of the sleepless nights and unsure days that led to our ultimate, unmitigated success. We are plagued by the thoughts of being another in a long list of those who have tried and failed, and cringe at the possibility of suffering as a result of our efforts.

In dealing with these conflicting emotions, we often tell ourselves (and others) to put thoughts of suffering and failure as far from our minds as possible, and reassure ourselves that we are too blessed to be stressed, too secure to fail. Our focus is on doing away with those thoughts, and fostering more of the big, beautiful dreams. We are told that everything will be amazing, and that "God has great things in store for us." This, we are told, means we are going to be wild successes, never touched by the unfortunate or unpleasant.

In reading through Philippians, I have to wonder; is this the best way to deal with the range of emotions that come with new endeavors? Paul doesn't shy away from the possibility of danger and suffering. In fact, he considers suffering to be a certainty, and more than that, a gift. For those believers paving the way in Phillippi, he offers more than the typical "everything will turn out great" response to their plight. He confronts the weight of anxiety and persecution, and tells us it is a blessing, because we share in the suffering of Christ. Not just this, but as he is writing this you can almost hear the unbridled, almost manaical joy in his tone.

He has realized that even the weight is a gift, and even the burden is a blessing to the child of God. He serves a God who takes all things, not just good things, and works them together for our good. This is the way to have an unquenchable desire for God; to desire not just the good, but even the painful, if it brings God glory. This is "foolishness" to those who don't know God in this way, but if you really get down to it... this complete trust and contentment is the only method we are given to live the Christian life.

And yet, I'll be completely honest with you. I kind of don't want to learn this lesson, because there are a whole lot of ways I could get hurt right now. I wish there was an easier way. I suppose it is time to get to know God a bit more, because there is something inherently trustworthy in Him that will make this all make sense. Or, alternatively, make me completely crazy.

Oh well, either way.

(Check out my new blog for Church Plant Worship Leaders, at www.churchplantworshipleader.com)